By energy, I mean the whole gamut of subjects which begin with expenditure and end with refuelling. (Or stopping...) The energy draw required for everyday life (in an Aspie's existence) is enormous. When your understanding of the world is arrived at through cognitive means, energy becomes an important consideration. To try to describe this in terms that can be appreciated by an NT is not difficult: Just imagine thinking about everything you do, down to the smallest decision. Every decision preceded by conscious thought, deliberation and then followed by a in-depth analysis of of the results... Exhausting, no? And how do you 'refuel'? Think about the way people talk about re-charging their batteries... Relaxing with friends, going out for a drink to a nice bar, having a massage for instance. For many Aspies, 'recharging' can only happen in the absence of people and noise and touch, so finding opportunities can be difficult. But this is not the main issue...
The problem arises when you consider that NTs can have tremendous difficulty in grasping the level of energy required by an Aspie for normal functioning in a social world, and the scale of it's impact on the person doing it. (Aspies can have similar trouble grasping that much of the slow, careful decision making they rely on every day, is done intuitively and without much conscious thought by NTs.) Without this appreciation of the facts, our struggle is invisible at best; misinterpreted at worst. Add to this the unpredictability of the social world and I would hope most would start to see just how 'different' and difficult our experience is.
So why aren't we all burnt-out husks by the age of twenty?
Since my diagnosis (when I was 43) I have met and got to know a number of people on the spectrum, and I quickly became aware that many of those people (myself included) have enormous capacity, drive and motivation. This did not appear to change, even when if the person had withdrawn; unable to engage with the world: Their passions and interests were pursued with the same enthusiasm and energy - just from within their bedrooms. We keep going, and as a result, we are capable of amazing feats of concentration, cognition and perseverance. In TA, we might call this the 'Try Harder' driver. (When someone has been told that they are at fault for the majority of their life, the response is often to try harder, out of guilt, to gain acceptance or prove others wrong...) A few of my closer friends admit this ultimately self-destructive dynamic, but to expend energy on drive and enthusiasm when so much is taken up with merely navigating the everyday is unsustainable. Something must, and usually does, give.
It is unfortunate then, that another 'driver' often accompanies that of 'Try Harder', and that's 'Don't Fail'. People who find themselves in this dynamic simply can't win, often spiralling into crisis after crisis. Of course this isn't limited to Aspies, however, our capacity and drive works against us - helping us reach new depths of despair. It can be very difficult indeed to extricate ourselves from these defensive strategies when we live in such a chaotic social world where it can seem impossible to make sense of anything with all the contradictions: "Do this accurately, but don't spend too long", "Tell the truth/Don't be rude"), "This is the priority/This is the priority/You should know the priority", "collaborate with colleagues/compete with colleagues", "Socialise/have fun". So where should we expend our precious energy? All too often, the answer is: 'on surviving', and even the most intelligent of us can, on occasion, convince ourselves that the effort isn't worth the reward.
Too few teachers and employers are aware of this, and the lack of understanding leads to more unnecessary pressure being piled on top. As an educator, I do understand the frustration: "Why, when this student is so capable, are they making so little effort?" The answer, of course, is that they are making a huge effort, simply to get through the day. If they have little energy left then, to decipher vague and contradictory expectations, we should not be surprised. Few understand that it is even more frustrating for the student (who knows their own potential) having constant obstacles placed in their path. It is in no way an even playing field.
It would be particularly cruel then, if we were to not only fail to understand these difficulties, but also to criticise those with great, and recognised potential, for failing to 'excel'. Sadly, this is the overwhelming experience of many of the people I have met over the years, who identify as Aspies (myself included). Such intelligence, capacity and drive is essential in our fast moving technological world, and they should be accommodated and valued as the assets they are. These people are the real movers and shakers, not the 'celebrities', the 'politicians' and 'corporate sharks'. It is society's obsession with these things that has us swimming in a sea of plastic, teetering on the brink of climate catastrophe and making nationally important decisions based on nothing more than the mindless rhetoric of social media.
Time to listen to reason, I think.
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