A little background.... A friend (and I use that phrase accurately for the first time in many years) was involved in a workshop/seminar about transactional analysis (TA) which will probably be meaningless to many, but not so to psychotherapists of any ilk. I first came across the idea years ago, after a recommendation from a psychiatrist led me to Eric Berne's book "The Games People Play" which seeks to demystify the mechanics of social interaction. It did so, firstly, by identifying "Ego States" such as the 'Parent', the 'Child' and the 'Adult'. The book was interesting, but I found the practise of using the theory to structure my interactions difficult and tiring.
I looked at the slides my friend was hoping to use during this workshop, and found them interesting. However, I didn't really see anything groundbreaking, mainly because I assumed, (incorrectly) that this was the same sort of thing as the ideas set out in Berne's book all those years ago. I had recently had an exhibition of my work in central Bristol, and the Evening Post had done a story about it, with regard to Asperger's. My friend asked to borrow a couple of pictures to take to his workshop to demonstrate the detail-oriented and systemising nature of the Asperger's brain. I agreed and offered to help in any way I could at future workshops.
The workshop was a great success, and another was swiftly organised. I was invited to attend in the capacity of co-presenter, which inferred a level of participation I wasn't sure I was ready to provide, but I was intrigued and went along... I'd offered my help, after all.
That's how I ended up in a comfortable study, discussing TA with two PHD engineers, both trained in TA and one of them; a leading practitioner in using TA as a tool for psychologists working with Asperger's clients. I could count on one hand the number of NT people who I have met in my lifetime with a detailed understanding of the nature and effects of Asperger's. To meet someone who (despite being NT) has such an insight into the neurological differences, and the consequences of life with Asperger's, is exceptional. To attend the workshop created by Peter Flowerdew, and see the theories explained, and see them translated for NT and Aspie alike, is profound. It is this inability to understand one another's worlds that is the root of much of the anxiety and frustration surrounding NT/Aspie communication.
I should pause here, to acknowledge the overwhelming kindness I experienced during this weekend. I would say it was a rare privilege, but that would be incorrect, as I have never experienced the like: A room of people who were genuinely interested in my experience, who were sensitive to my sensitivities and appreciative of my honesty. They called me brave and extraordinary, and made me believe it. They were a special sort of kind, and I include Peter and my fellow Aspie presenter, R, in this description. I was truly moved.
It's taken me a long time to process everything I saw and learned at the workshop, and I'm still absorbing and evaluating some of it. However, it is clear to me now that the key to NTs and Aspie's understanding each other is the architecture of language. In this workshop, Peter Flowerdew, centres on the different world-views of Aspies and NT and appears to cut straight to the key differences in the way we experience - everything. He has managed to translate these theories so that they can be used by NT therapists who are desperate to better understand and help their Aspie clients.
I won't go into details, as I am no expert, but one part in particular struck a chord that has kept me thinking on it ever since. That is the striking realisation that the usual "Ego State" Models differ markedly for Aspies and NTs. One particular slide which made a lasting impression, was that of a diagram showing the transaction of conversation that I recognised from any number of exchanges with ex-employers. The Parent and Child ego states take much from learned past experiences, and the Adult state is purely based in the present. The way it is expected to go sees the Parent (Boss) asking the Child (employee) to do a task. The Child is expected to respond, however, in Aspies, it is the Adult that responds, confusing the now Disparaging Parent (Boss), and eliciting an assumption of a response from a Petulant Child (employee being difficult and unhelpful), and not the Adult state response it actually was (Why would you want to do that when there are more efficient ways?). The startling connection that Peter has made is that there really is no Parent or Child ego state for Aspies. We really only interact in the Adult state. This of course would cause enormous confusion in social interaction, and clearly does. It was immediately clear to me that is is the dynamic behind many of the failed interviews, premature redundancies and abortive social gatherings that have plagued my entire adult life.
This is surely worthy of much study, and as if to prove the point, workshop bookings are increasing exponentially. I am keen to pursue this and help in whatever way I can, as it seems to be a huge leap along the way to mutual understanding between Aspie and NT, and promises more natural interaction without the expectation of the Aspie conforming to NT models.
To put it another way: "There is common ground, it's just not where we thought it was, so put down the net and the cattle prod, and let's talk..." And it's the kind people who will oblige first...
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