The finer things...

Radiohead made my day today.  They have re-emerged after a long hiatus, with the release of "Burn the Witch."  Now.  Just so we are clear... I am no 'fan girl' (whatever that means!)  I love Radiohead's music, but then, I like an awful lot of music across many, many genres.  But listening to Radiohead's most recent release and watching the delightfully disturbing video, got me to thinking about musical tastes in general...

One of the traits acknowledged among Aspies is a reluctance or inability to differentiate in some matters.  This can sometimes be problematic:  Confusion about how different people should be spoken to in different circumstances, or whether a subject is appropriate for casual conversation, for instance.  But it also means that Aspies are less likely to be racist, sexist, or any of those other 'ists'.  It makes no sense to us to treat someone differently because of the skin colour, fashion sense or looks, and neither does it make sense to avoid genres of music because of their political, historical or cultural basis.  Music is music, and there is merit in all of it.  It is the crowning glory of our achievements as a species (I believe) and a skill over which no other species can claim mastery.

It would never occur to me to say "No, I won't listen to it because I don't like Rap" or "Classical music is boring!" (I nearly choked on that one!)  Music, like all things created by man, can be categorised meaningfully by quality alone.  The skills of composers, bands and musicians and the quality of their music, ranges from 'badly conceived and performed noise' to 'beautiful and transcendent artistry'.  I have listened to all sorts of genres and found good and bad in all (If you want to see how many there are now, have a look at this site: http://everynoise.com/engenremap.html )

Some genres are intrinsically linked with quality... (Sacred music, for instance - composed and held up to the ultimate standard, so quality is almost assured!)  There are also composers, artists and bands that were/are skillful enough and inspired enough, to continually produce interesting, musically challenging, amazing original music throughout their professional lives.  David Bowie comes to mind.  His drive to push the limits of his writing, his enthusiasm for collaboration with other musicians, his range of subject matter and his awareness of culture and society all combined to provide immensely enjoyable, imaginative music across the decades of his career...  Led Zeppelin changed the face of rock music and produced a series of iconic albums.... Aretha Franklin broke through numerous barriers to bring her amazing voice to the public and her passion is apparent in everything she produces, even now, at 74... Antonio Vivaldi left us a wealth of melodic and intricate compositions that are as fresh today as when they were written in the 1700s...

So why Radiohead?  Well, there are few bands that tick as many of my preference boxes as does Radiohead.  Each new album is different in subject, theme, style and musicality, but remains quintessentially Radiohead.  Their musicianship is superb and expert enough to carry their increasingly complex ideas...  The production is sensitive and the enjoyment; slow release:  I often have to listen 5-10 times, and maybe look a few things up, before really appreciating each track...  I love a puzzle, and Radiohead's tracks often harbour include tangential political or social comment .  For example the album, Hail to the Thief, appears to include much comment about the disputed election results in the US that allowed George W Bush a second term.  And this new song's sentiments seem to reflect the UK political posturing and paranoia around immigration and the European Union... the "Trumpton" style video  must ring a few bells...?  As an Aspie, I want my powers of appreciation stretched.  I want to be challenged, but also rewarded for my efforts, and Radiohead has always delivered.

Even if you think you don't like Radiohead (and, let's face it, not everyone does!) their latest 'offering' (watch the video, get the joke!) is well worth a look - especially for those of us who are knocking on 50 and feeling nostalgic...    watch the video

Dial it down?

If I tend, in my musings, to linger on the things that are difficult, challenging or otherwise worthy of dissection and explanation, it is because I am eminently practical:  I want to fix things that are not working, improve experiences that are not beneficial... The ratio of difficulties to pleasures, however, can be a little one-sided so you'll forgive me if I guard the "good stuff" jealously.  Let me explain...

It has become a habit, over the years, to note every nuance, detail and minutiae of most everything I encounter, the main purpose being to try to avoid getting into trouble with people in one form or another. (I tend to edit out the mundane or uninteresting experiences, and this is sometimes a grievous error as my judgement of What's Important often differs from other peoples'... ) An interesting thing happens when you turn this skill to things that are less practical; just interesting, beautiful or elegant. 

To put it mildly, I can be filled with the most disproportionate joy when glancing at a reflection in a puddle (the overlapping images, the play of light, the colour combinations, subtleties of tone and shade and it's fleeting nature...)  A piece of music might bring me to tears at it's first hearing - the harmonies, mood and texture eliciting such a strong emotional response that I have to listen in stages.  Even a well crafted TV advert can draw me in - even if the product is of no interest and subsequently forgotten.  I seem to be especially sensitive to these experiences anyway, and I suspect the intensity of them is due in some part to the way my observational and analytical skills have been honed over the years.  I realise that many neurotypical people have a deep appreciation for music, or art for instance, but few will become obsessed with dissecting a particular shade of green or the sound of a person's name or a musical chord to the nth degree....

When I look up at the clouds, I am thinking not just of the form and colour, but the air pressure difference responsible for the air currents that are tearing, thinning, building or layering other clouds on it, the angle of the sun and the thickness of atmosphere through which it's beams must travel before they cast their altered light over the vapour.  I am thinking about the temperature at altitude and how the inevitable ice crystals are causing the halo that passes through it, the vast weight of water droplets causing the darkening lower edge, and so on....  The result is quite magical and sometimes even transcendent. 

A strong emotional response whilst listening to a particular piece of music is a more common shared experience but I count myself amongst the few who experience the full effect of every nuanced phrase, every scintillating rhythm, every  crescendo and cadence; regardless of the genre...  It puts me in  mind of Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers book when he describes the apparatus for 'appreciating' Vogon Poetry, (known to be the 3rd worst in the Galaxy) making sure that every detail of the experience is felt as fully as possible...

I suspect this is also why I can't bear One Direction.

A dull day in Clevedon - just as beautiful and fascinating as a glorious sunny day.

On Christmas (First posted on December 16th 2015)

'Tis the season to be merry!  Indeed, it makes sense to cheer oneself up at the time of year (certainly in the UK) when the commercial world is doing its level best to drive everyone to distraction…

I am, technically, a Catholic.  Yes, I understand that this sentence broadcasts my indecision ('crisis of faith' is far too strong! )  I struggle with the idea of celebrating Christmas, despite my liking for the festive period.  Religion keeps getting in the way of my enjoyment.

I am fairly certain that I do not have any faith (in the biblical sense).  I have confidence in the progress of science, human ability, the tenacity of life…  None of these include much translated, reinterpreted, and possibly, doctored 2000 year old records – they cannot be relied upon, so I will never be convinced to blindly accept miracles such as the transforming of bread into flesh.  My intellect is my primary tool for understanding, and may not be bypassed in an act of faith.

I do, however enjoy my infrequent visits to mass.  I sing in the choir, and sacred music is a great love of mine. I enjoy the ceremony and the ritual and even, to some extent, the company of members of the congregation.  I am complimented on the quality of my voice, challenged by difficult musical arrangements and enthralled by the interactions of the faithful, but this is no different to being distracted by the intricacies of a spider's web, or swirling patterns of subatomic particles captured by an accelerator’s detectors.  No, this is a type of spirituality I will probably never know.

Conversely, I think I do experience spirituality in a purely intellectual way… I feel immense joy at the complexity in nature, the elegance of a mathematical formula, the way water droplets, sunlight and air currents collaborate to produce the incredible beauty in the skies above us.  The more I think about the chemistry, the molecules, the patterns, the forces, the probabilities involved, the more filled with wonder I become.

Surely whoever said "God is in the details" knew what they were talking about.

On the subject of making sense... (first posted 2nd December 2015)

Hello. Let me introduce myself, or rather, my alter-ego, Talentless Liar.  "What?" I hear you say, (assuming anyone is out there) "That’s a bit negative isn’t it?"  Well,  no.  Or yes and no, to be more accurate.  Does it mean I’m talentless and a liar?  Does it mean I’m merely bad at lying?  Does it mean I’m lying about being talented?
Well, I’ll leave that up to you to decide.  Just to help though, I’ll give you a few facts to help you arrive at an answer:

• I am enchanted by quantum physics and theoretical mathematics, but struggle with simple addition.
• I know nothing about Art, but I paint and draw pictures constantly.
• My pictures are lauded for their detail and dismissed as photographs.
• I crave friendship but destroy or fail to maintain my relationships.
• I work to relax, progress to stay the same and pretend to be someone else in order to fit in.
• I can lecture on technical matters to a crowded conference hall, but panic at the prospect of an informal gathering.
• I can remember accurately a wide range of facts on a vast array of subjects, but I forget my husband’s birthday (and my own!)
• I am famously unthinking and tactless, yet fiercely loyal and a champion of fairness.
• I am a contradiction, yet the world makes less sense than I do.
• I seek truth at all times and in all things but fear trusting others with the truth about myself.
• People think me sad and pessimistic but I am am staggered by the beauty of a reflection in a puddle.

If you know about Asperger’s, then this will make perfect sense.  Read on.   If you don’t, it won’t make any sense.  Read on.

I will endeavour to write a little every week, some experiences, a little humour, some history, some pearls of wisdom from exceptional people I have met, some pictures and some interesting observations gleaned from my job in a busy UK Secondary (High) School… I hope it will make an interesting read, and if you learn a little about Asperger's too... then that won't be a bad thing either...

Strange weather... A rare UK Roll Cloud and the equally strange optical effects - there is interesting stuff out there  if you care to look...